Screams: Structure (!!)
Learning to live in the in-between
While I don’t have enough experience to generalize this statement, I do feel it’s mostly safe to say that your days/weeks rarely ever look exactly the same when you’re running a small business.
I want to do “a day in the life” or write a Substack on my daily work schedule, but it’s just so… random. No day looks exactly the same for me, and when I’ve tried to stay on a strict schedule (on Mondays I focus on xx, Tuesdays are for meetings, etc), I can’t stick with it because there are so many factors that play into each of my days.
If a client needs to meet with me, it’s a bit unfair to pigeonhole them to a specific day of the week, because they are also trying to run and operate a business. It’s my job to be accommodating to them, and thus my schedule is a cluster F.
Not to mention that I’m responsible for several employees and contractors, so questions pop up nearly every hour that stear my days in a different direction, or just simply distract me from the task at hand I am trying to accomplish.
Because of this, my to-do list each week looks like a large piece of paper with never-ending, seemingly-random and unrelated tasks that span 13 different clients’ marketing dockets (not to mention the business development for Grain that is also my responsibility).
I can’t say it doesn’t really bother me that I can’t exactly plan out my days in a very structured way. If you’ve read my last Substack, you can get the sense that I’m a creature of habit and routine. I thrive on structure and crave it. Running Grain has been the biggest step out of my comfort zone I’ve ever taken.
I woke up this morning feeling a bit melancholy — a fun combo of anxiety + manageable depression mixed with third trimester hormones (lethal cocktail).
I’ve been feeling this way for a while, so I finally confided in my husband about it and explained to him that I just don’t feel excited when I wake up lately, I feel like I’m dreading the day (more specifically, my to-do list). He held me tight and said, I remember feeling that way. I looked up at him like a child, and asked, when?!
Background: My husband, Shane, spent the past several years working for himself, and recently took a dream job of his at Gibson Guitars. He’s still working diligently on his businesses, but knew that in this phase of life, we needed a stable job to carry us through this wonky chapter called You’ll Get a New Medical Bill Every Three Days. I admire him “taking one for the team,” but he’s turned out to really enjoy working with Gibson and is proud of what he’s helping to build there.
And, as it turns out, I think he enjoys the structure that this new job brings. He goes to work knowing what meetings are on his calendar, and what his days will look like. I think there is merit to that, and I miss it, if I’m being honest.
And while I hope to provide that for myself someday, I’m just not there yet. I’m very much involved in my business and needed for day-to-day decisions, projects, and input. And, because I’m complicated, I do find a sense of purpose when I’m still needed by my clients and team. So, I can’t complain too much.
But this got depressing really fast. I don’t say any of this to complain, but to share where I’m at in hopes of other business owners chiming in to express that either they feel this way too, or they’ve found a hack they’re willing to share with me.
With less than three months to go until our daughter is born, my schedule has been weighing so heavily on my mind. I’ve been dashing first thing every morning to a different café to give myself something to look forward to, a change of scenery and a yummy pancake. It makes me feel more excited for the day, and it helps my brain transition from that to-do list dread to active work.
I’m so lucky that I get to do that with my days, so I’ve been soaking it up as much as possible… I have a hunch that I won’t be able to pick up and leave as easily once I have a bébé with me.
I know that once we have her and I’m feeling ready to get back to work full-time, I’ll need to hire a nanny to give myself, wait for it, structure! It just seems like everything is coming back to that word for me lately.
I’ve heard it said that as founder, you tend to “hire yourself out of a job.” Meaning, you hire a staff so competent that you’re not as needed in the day-to-days and can focus on the big picture. I got such a glimpse into that this week as my team traveled to Austin, TX for a 2-day photoshoot without me (my OB suggested I stay back for this one).
The girls have worked on set with me countless times, and I felt incredibly confident in sending them off for this trip. But even still, I figured they’d be Facetiming me about every hour and asking me to approve each set, prop, composition, etc. So imagine my surprise when there were mostly crickets throughout the entire week, and a small handful of check-ins with me just to tell me everything was going swimmingly.
I was so proud and happy and thankful, I nearly cried. This is the kind of thing you hope to build as a business owner — a company and a team that sustains itself. It’s the kind of autonomy that is contagious: if I’m able to focus on my job, they are able to focus on theirs, and so on. If we can continue to build this thing right, it means great work-life balance for everyone involved (thankfully, that includes me).
I’m excited to see what my new routines will be with a little one, but I’ll be honest and say I’m also so nervous about it (will I ever have time to wash my hair!?). But, throughout my entire life, I’ve really cultivated this cool little skill to cope and adjust. And, with my amazing team and husband, I know I’ll be able to figure this one out eventually, too.
See below some snapshots of my team working in ATX this week. My heart is so proud and thankful, I can’t even accurately express it.
Xx
Ellen
